- INTRODUCTION -

- INTRODUCTION -

    I am Dad, also know as Datch to Mom and the kids. The nickname was given to me by our son who one day simply called me Datch. I love the nickname and frankly it is one of the first I have ever appreciated. Our children are 4 & 5.5 years old now. Our oldest, a boy, is formally beginning his education into public school, kindergarten. He has had about 2.5 yrs of daycare and 3 months of Montessori schooling; he and his sister were pulled out of the Montessori classes as the pandemic unfolded. 

    I have been a stay-at-home (SAHD) for over 6-years now. Anyone who says that is the easy life is oblivious to harsher reality. It is a labor of love and one that was supposed to be short-term. I left a senior position at a biotechnology company to stay home with our first-born and then carried on duty for the second – she came shortly after. Poor neighborhood daycare choices pushed my duty further and further out in time until one day we were able to find a suitable daycare, which offered me a break. I worked weekends and managed household duties during the week. We sold our first house and moved to a neighborhood that offered much more for families, including a good school district. 

    The COVID pandemic started spreading in the U.S. around March, 2020. Headlines warned of its approach from China and international borders were closed to prevent the spread. Any attempts at controlling it were ineffective and the virus did spread. New York was hit particularly hard and mobile morgues were set up to deal with the dead. Convention centers were opened as temporary hospitals and the city was ‘closed’; most of the country followed shortly after. The actual toll of the virus, its severity and approaches to control it are all in dispute. Chaos ruled for a short time with protective gear (face masks, gloves and soaps), food and toiletries being hoarded by many. Store shelves were empty and quickly drawn down when restocked. Restaurants, bars, barber shops, all establishments were closed unless deemed ‘essential’. Essential stores included: liquor stores, grocery stores, home building supply stores, department stores (that also carried food) and hospitals. We are still being asked to wear masks in public, wash our hand frequently, keep at least a 6-foot distance from anyone outside of our immediate family. There is outcry from all, either saying this is all not enough or that it is all too much. 

    Meanwhile, we worked to get our child ready for his first day of kindergarten. We drove past the school and talked about how exciting it would be, stopping on campus to view the exterior and consider what lay beyond the giant doors. We discussed what it meant to be a kindergartner, the new responsibilities, new friends, new experiences, new people who are there to instruct and lead our son to a healthy experience in education. He was terrified and excited. He scoffed at the idea only to probe further, for more detail but then refute his curiosity. He was conflicted, curious and scared but we had him confident enough to be brave. 

    School districts struggled to develop a way to safely open schools for the new year – ours was no different. Between concern for the students safety and that-of the administrators, there really were not many good or certain options. Our school district’s plan was to give an online only option, with the option to return to in-class (at 9-weeks intervals) or a full return to in-person classes...the in-person option was later removed after a week of deliberation, leaving only the online option for the first few weeks of class. So, online class it would be for all in our district, at least in the beginning. 

    Our options were given a month or two ahead of the planned start date. The online option sounded best to us but we had no idea of what to expect – how would the lessons be worked, how would we communicate with the teacher, how much time would our son receive with the teacher, how will online interactions affect our child’s emotional and social development; there were many, many, many unanswered questions. The school district did their best at explaining things but there was no real way to know just how this could possibly work for a kindergartner. What are we agreeing to? No one really knew. The only thing that was conveyed was that the parents would be a part of the learning process, important, necessary. We did not know how much we would actually be participating. 

    I consulted with three doctors: one was actively treating COVID patients in NY city, one was a retired physician who participates in legislative decision making in our state and the third was our pediatrician.  The NY doctor initially explained that children were typically unaffected by this viral infection and-that returning to school would be okay. He later made a dramatic change in opinion and said then that “There is absolutely no way I would send children back to school”. Our retired physician friend said simply: 1) There has never been anything quite like this, 2) There are no good options here, 3) That he would not wish the decision we have to make on anyone and 4) That there is not enough f-ing data to make any kind of good decision. His expletive was shocking, entirely rare and unexpected. Our pediatrician, when asked, replied, “It is fine. There is nothing to worry about”. As parents trying to make the best informed decision and hoping for clarity, we were at a loss but with the information we had gathered we decided to accept the duty of online coaching. My stay-at-home duty would be once again extended...now as a ‘Learning Coach’. 

And so this is the lead-up to our “COVID Kindergarten” experience with our son.